Childlessness is like the sea, it’s always there The hot air of a truly British heatwave shimmers over the Cornish coastline. The cloudless blue sky melts into the horizon, filling the sea and making it even more blue. Flecks of dusky pink are reflected in the calm water, hinting at the deep red sunset yet to be unveiled. Looking to…

There’s a song that Spotify has introduced me to that I can’t stop playing, it’s called ‘Sons and Daughters’ by Allman Brown and Liz Lawrence… In an interview about this new track Allman talked about how the song was inspired by normal life. Where most songs are written about larger than life moments, extraordinary moments like your first kiss or…

I can honestly tell you that I am yet to find one book about miscarriage or infertility that I actually want to read. They’ve either been written to depress you, confuse you with statistics and crazy diets or rub it in by writing about their ‘journey’ now that they’ve got three kids and a puppy. The book covers are even…

Everyone has a story to tell, but some stories are never told. You see, the stories we know how to handle are those that end well. Whether told from the pages of a book or preached from a pulpit, we love the stories that offer answers and insight and resolution. But when the story you’re living is messy and shitty…

I don’t normally come to church on Mother’s day, for years my husband and I would plan weeks ahead to make sure we had something else planned, something nice, something to make the day a little less painful. You see, I didn’t feel as though my story belonged in church. After almost seven years of marriage and six miscarriages, it’s…

I used to measure my childlessness by Christmasses, each year hoping that the next Christmas would bring with it a pregnant belly or a screaming baby, but it didn’t. I would to try find comfort each year by telling myself that maybe next year, things would be different. Maybe next year we would be three instead of two. I’ve decided…

Last week was my birthday. I turned 35. Three years ago I knew I would be celebrating this birthday in a new home. I remember working out dates in my mind, realising how old I would be when Dave finished vicar training and we’d move to begin work in a church. I remember the impatience of having to wait a…

Apparently, the best way to survive a fall from a great height is to spread your arms, close your eyes, and relax your whole body. Yesterday I asked some ladies from church to pray for me. I asked them to pray for healing. I asked them to pray for a family for us. As they prayed, I held out my…