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New Year, Same Me

By On 3 January 2019

I am an enneagram type 4. This won’t mean a lot to many people but if you know, you know. I have big feelings. So, when a year draws to close and a new one begins, I fall into a reflective mood. Perhaps I should backtrack a little. In the last few months I have said goodbye to the part…

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How to live when you’re not at your best

By On 20 December 2018

I’m currently in one of those seasons when I feel like I’m not at my best. I recognise it because when I’m chatting to people I want to sit them down and tell them ‘this isn’t me’. Normally I’ve got more energy or enthusiasm or ideas and I’m fun to hang out with, but right now I feel like I’m…

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She’s Incredible Too #BabyLossAwarenessWeek

By On 15 October 2018

I just saw a friend’s Facebook post announcing their new baby to the world. It of course included a shoutout to his wife who’d been incredible. She of course would have been, labour is hard. But so is miscarriage and those women, my wife included, never get the recognition for their bravery in the face of suffering with no happy…

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Is my life worth less because I’m not a parent?

By On 17 September 2018

I’ve just realised that I’m scared. For a few weeks, probably months if I’m honest, I’ve held on to this unsettled feeling, I’ve dreaded dates in the diary and what the future might hold and unfortunately for Dave, I’ve been a bit fragile. Basically, I can go from happy to crying very quickly, which I think still scares and confuses…

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A painful ending and a new beginning

By On 6 September 2018

Re-imagining what life looks like when confronted by childlessness and infertility is a common theme throughout Saltwater and Honey. We are so grateful to guest blogger Sue who is sharing her personal story below. A few weeks ago, I had a full hysterectomy – everything out – tubes, ovaries and womb.  Nothing that unusual in this, it is an operation…

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Owning the landscape

By On 7 July 2018

When I was diagnosed as infertile, there was a delayed reaction before I fell headfirst into a breakdown that disabled me for about 5 months. The emotional impact of childlessness and infertility has enormous potential for mental illness, and for me, this was the most acutely painful part of our story. I’d never experienced anxiety or depression before, and stress…

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What happened when I stopped asking

By On 11 March 2018

Spoiler alert!! So today on national television I will tell St Pam Rhodes that I cannot pray for a child for myself. My Songs of Praise interview actually happened a few weeks ago and as soon as those words fell from my lips I felt both pride and shame in equal measure as I sought to explain the complexity of…

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The Rhythm of Hope: a reflection

By On 7 January 2018

I’ve just got back from The Rhythm of Hope, a retreat/conference day for couples going through their own journey of childlessness and infertility, where Sheila, Lizzie, Dave and I were honoured and humbled to serve, and share a bit of our stories. I know several of the couples there today have read posts on Saltwater and Honey, and it was…

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Christmas Survival Guide for the Childless

By On 21 December 2017

The lights on the Christmas tree are twinkling in the corner of the room, the smell of the biggest roast dinner you will eat this year is floating under your nose and filling the house. You’re holding your first glass of wine for the day and moving towards one of those tiny tables designed specifically for remote controls and small…

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Encountering Secondary Infertility

By On 12 December 2017

I’m writing this from my single room in a retreat house in the heart of Essex. I’ve just had dinner with a nun, a Rector and a saintly old lady from Suffolk. I am a fish out of water. Going on retreat has been a longing of mine for a while. I’m here for 24 hours after blackmailing Elis into…