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A Leap of Faith

By On 14 May 2019

Over the last few months, Lizzie and I have been waiting and hoping on something new and special. We entered a podcast competition run by the BBC. It was called the Rachael Bland podcast award and they were looking for people who had something to say on a topic that they felt needed talking about. We felt we had something…

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ZERO

By On 7 May 2019

Since a few people have asked, after I performed some spoken word poems at Fertility Fest, here’s a recording of the poem Zero, which I did as part of The Invisible Man event at the Barbican. You can listen to the whole of the Nihal programme on BBC Radio 5 Live, which includes a lengthy chat with Elis and Sheila,…

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Take Up Your Space

By On 13 March 2019

Looking back, I don’t really have many regrets. I was never particularly wild as a teenager. I wasn’t overly cautious either so I tended to participate in the things I wanted to do. Perhaps there are some boys in my past that I wished I had kissed. Or some occasions where I missed a chance to put myself forward for…

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New Year, Same Me

By On 3 January 2019

I am an enneagram type 4. This won’t mean a lot to many people but if you know, you know. I have big feelings. So, when a year draws to close and a new one begins, I fall into a reflective mood. Perhaps I should backtrack a little. In the last few months I have said goodbye to the part…

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How to live when you’re not at your best

By On 20 December 2018

I’m currently in one of those seasons when I feel like I’m not at my best. I recognise it because when I’m chatting to people I want to sit them down and tell them ‘this isn’t me’. Normally I’ve got more energy or enthusiasm or ideas and I’m fun to hang out with, but right now I feel like I’m…

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She’s Incredible Too #BabyLossAwarenessWeek

By On 15 October 2018

I just saw a friend’s Facebook post announcing their new baby to the world. It of course included a shoutout to his wife who’d been incredible. She of course would have been, labour is hard. But so is miscarriage and those women, my wife included, never get the recognition for their bravery in the face of suffering with no happy…

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Is my life worth less because I’m not a parent?

By On 17 September 2018

I’ve just realised that I’m scared. For a few weeks, probably months if I’m honest, I’ve held on to this unsettled feeling, I’ve dreaded dates in the diary and what the future might hold and unfortunately for Dave, I’ve been a bit fragile. Basically, I can go from happy to crying very quickly, which I think still scares and confuses…

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A painful ending and a new beginning

By On 6 September 2018

Re-imagining what life looks like when confronted by childlessness and infertility is a common theme throughout Saltwater and Honey. We are so grateful to guest blogger Sue who is sharing her personal story below. A few weeks ago, I had a full hysterectomy – everything out – tubes, ovaries and womb.  Nothing that unusual in this, it is an operation…

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Owning the landscape

By On 7 July 2018

When I was diagnosed as infertile, there was a delayed reaction before I fell headfirst into a breakdown that disabled me for about 5 months. The emotional impact of childlessness and infertility has enormous potential for mental illness, and for me, this was the most acutely painful part of our story. I’d never experienced anxiety or depression before, and stress…