This is a short liturgy designed for the parents who have lost a child through miscarriage. These words can be spoken together as a couple, on your own or with those close to you. It can be helpful to have someone lead you through this service, who can pray for you and support you as you acknowledge your loss, but this person does not have to be a vicar/priest/pastor.
Feel free to simply use the parts you connect with and find helpful and do not think your pregnancy doesn’t deserve to be acknowledged. or that you are making a fuss. No matter how tiny or short lived the life of your child was, your grief is legitimate and needs to be acknowledged. There is no rush to do this straightaway, sometimes it can be more helpful to wait a couple of weeks or months until you feel ready to articulate your loss but we recommend you find some way of doing this to help you grieve.
Welcome and Gathering
We meet in the name of Jesus Christ who died and was raised to the glory of God the Father
His grace and mercy be with you
And also with you
We come, Lord in sorrow. We cry to you from the depths.
We wait for you, Lord, and in your word is our hope.
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength
A moment of quiet
Prayers of Grief
Jesus said “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”
Give us the faith to believe
That this is the pathway through life
You, who spent time in the wilderness,
Remember with us your struggling.
You, who were tossed in the centre of storms,
Remember with us the fear of that moment.
You whose friends slept through the agony of your heart,
Remember with us the loneliness.
God of grace, in you is life
We thank you that you are with us in the storms
As well as by the still waters
That you are life and in our lives
We come before you today to bring our grief
For the times of pain and tears;
Times of not being understood by family and friends,
Times of longing and struggling,
Ties of searching and emptiness,
Times of giving up hope.
We come before you today to bring our grief
For the feelings of loss.
For the child we could never bring to birth
For all that we can never share with them.
God of compassion,
You make nothing in vain
And love all that you have created,
We comment to you our/parents’ names baby
For whom we/they pour out such great love
For whom we/they cherished many hopes and dreams.
Grant us/them the assurance that our/their child,
Thought not seen by us, is seen and known by you
And will share the risen life of your Son Jesus Christ.
Amen.
We light a candle to remember the child we dreamed about;
Whose life is now held in love, in God’s most tender care.
We light a candle to express the longing of our hearts;
The longing for the gift of a child.
God who sees into the depths of our hearts
And knows our words before we speak them
We lay the burden of our grief at the foot of the cross.
Remembering the dream that was not to be
We lay down the sadness and the emptiness
We release then into your transforming power
Trusting that you know us and love us.
We ask you to walk with us
Grant us healing and strength.
(silence)
O God, giver of all comfort,
Look down on me/name of mother who has known the joy of new life within
And the desolation of losing that life;
Do not hide your face from my/her distress,
But hear me/her when I/she calls to you;
Restore me/her to health in body and spirit
And renew in me/her hope, faith and love,
For we ask it in the name of Jesus. Amen.
Prayer and Psalm of Thanksgiving and Healing
God of grace, in you is life.
We thank you that you are with us in the storms
As well as by the still waters
That you are life and in our lives
We come before you today to give our thanks
That in our pain you did not leave us
That in your mercy you tended to our wounds
Prayer for Anointing
Holy Spirit come and be with us
Guide and inspire us
Let us know your power
Power to heal
Power to comfort
Power to console
Holy Spirit come and be with us
O give thanks to the Lord for he is good
His steadfast love endures forever
Out of my distress I called on the Lord
The Lord answered me and set me free
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
Than to put confidence in princes
I was pushed hard so that I was falling
But the Lord helped me
The Lord is my strength and my song
He has become my salvation
O give thanks to the Lord for he is good
His steadfast love endures forever.
From Psalm 118
We light a candle as a sign of hope that God is always with us, that he loves us and knows our hearts and our deepest desires.
See the light for your journey.
And believe that the Spirit always moves ahead of you.
Feel the warmth of the flame,
It is the warmth of the love of God for you
That love will surround you wherever you go.
Take into yourself the power of the Holy Spirit
That you may be given courage for the next step of the journey.
(silence)
Dismissal
Jesus said “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”
So now, go in peace
May you know the grace of God.
May your saviour, who has your treasure,
Walk with you today and every day.
Amen.
A very moving and thoughtful liturgy which I am sure will be of comfort to many men and women suffering the loss of hoped for child.
Thanks Margaret, it’s a liturgy we’ve used ourselves and how it will be useful for others x
Thank you Lizzie; this is brilliant. We’ll be remembering people who have experienced the loss of a child, either before or after birth, this evening at our reflective prayer service. Bless you! Bridget
Thanks so much Bridget. It’s so great to hear you were able to remember those who have experienced loss in your service last night. Thank you for your encouragement and support and for looking out for those who need support. With much love xx
A beautiful service. Very thoughtful and comforting. Thank you Lizzie.
Thank you so much Hannah xx
Thank you for this. I read it a couple of times today (whilst crying). There is a particular part of the prayer that I would like to frame for our home, I hope that is okay xxx
Hi Sarah, thanks so much for your comment. I’m so glad this was helpful, of course do frame some of it for your home I think that’s a lovely idea to have a reminder that God is with you in this. Lots of love xx
This is so beautiful. As we being to plan a wave of light service, would you be happy for us to use this liturgy as a basis of our service? It is so beautiful. Will of course reference you clearly.
Also loving your beautiful book. Thank you for your honesty
Dear Lizzie,
I have almost finished your book and have devoured your blog recently. Your story, as well as the story of so many women around me has led to us (myself and our curate) stepping out in faith and organising an online service this evening for ‘Wave of Light’. We have found your liturgy of loss really inspiring and will be acknowledging that inspiration this evening. I really believe that God is leading our church into a time of reflection and ministry on various fertility and infertility related issues, but more importantly, calling us to not stay silent, and to certainly not allow the loneliness of infertility, especially with covid.
It would be lovely to speak with you if you felt able to.
Many thanks,
Alice
Hi Alice, thank you so much for your comment and I’m so glad you’ve found the book and the blog helpful. It’s brilliant that you did a Wave of Light service and I really hope it went well. It’s so important and as you say, even more important this time with the isolation of Covid. Always happy to chat. x