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The mug

By On 26 November 2015

There’s a mug that’s spent years at the back of my kitchen cupboard, we’ve moved house four times since we’ve had it and every time we’ve unpacked I’ve placed it right at the back of my cupboard again, hidden by the other mugs. There are a lot of people who have a mug exactly like the one I’m talking about,…

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Beloved

By On 1 November 2015

I can’t get my head around it – a year ago I didn’t know my daughter. In fact it’s been barely 11 months since I first heard her name, saw a tiny image of her face, imagined what it’d be like to meet her. It’s impossible to put into words those first emotions. Ben came running up the stairs saying…

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The story behind the story

By On 19 October 2015

So we had a baby. Why does it feel like an apology should follow? An explanation perhaps? A sheepish shrug of the shoulders and whispered tones. I had a baby but it wasn’t straightforward. The statement sounds so simple. It doesn’t detail the years of hoping and ‘trying’, the tests, the numerous doctor’s waiting rooms, consultants, nurses, more tests, the…

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saltwater

By On 15 October 2015

Childlessness is like the sea, it’s always there The hot air of a truly British heatwave shimmers over the Cornish coastline. The cloudless blue sky melts into the horizon, filling the sea and making it even more blue. Flecks of dusky pink are reflected in the calm water, hinting at the deep red sunset yet to be unveiled. Looking to…

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the fairytale

By On 10 October 2015

When I was eight I fell in love with a fairy tale, a happily ever after. A story etched on the hearts of young girls and women around the world. A simple story of falling in love, getting married and having a family. This fairy tale was more than my first love: it was my first dream and my first…

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Finding my voice. Again.

By On 4 September 2015

For several months now, I have been telling myself I have writer’s block. I’ve given myself many a talking to but to no avail. The thoughts and ideas whirling around my sleep deprived brain have taken shape and disappeared as quickly as our fabulous British summer. And then there are all the distractions. The Great British Bake Off began again so…

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in our hearts we still pray for sons and daughters

By On 1 September 2015

There’s a song that Spotify has introduced me to that I can’t stop playing, it’s called ‘Sons and Daughters’ by Allman Brown and Liz Lawrence… In an interview about this new track Allman talked about how the song was inspired by normal life. Where most songs are written about larger than life moments, extraordinary moments like your first kiss or…

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Please Don’t Numb Your Soul

By On 21 July 2015

“Why bring up the past?”, “Can’t you just move on?”, “What good is it to keep going over this stuff?” I hear questions like these fairly regularly, especially since we started blogging about childlessness.  At their best they come from a place of love.  No one wants to see someone they love in pain so they try to move them…

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Why books on childlessness suck

By On 16 July 2015

I can honestly tell you that I am yet to find one book about miscarriage or infertility that I actually want to read. They’ve either been written to depress you, confuse you with statistics and crazy diets or rub it in by writing about their ‘journey’ now that they’ve got three kids and a puppy. The book covers are even…