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Stones on the Hillside

By On 9 August 2013

Somewhere on the fine line between hope and superstition, I went for a walk. The walk started at work. This was back before I knew about having azoospermia, when having babies was still a possibility, when we were still trying out names and middle names, when we were still hopeful. I walked from the office (in the middle of woodland)…

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The Tastiest Meal You’ll Ever Have

By On 17 July 2013

As I sit here, my toes sliding into the sand, the warmth of the sun on my face and the gentle rolling waves playing in the background as the soundtrack to my day, a tear rolls down my cheek. I realise that I am alone and that I really do need to face the reality of what has happened. As…

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Tread Softly

By On 15 July 2013

“Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.” W.B.Yeats Since writing my first blog post in June, I’ve been overwhelmed by the encouraging and supportive responses I have received. But I feel like a fraud. Many people called me brave. But I don’t feel it. I’m not brave. I’m frightened. I shared my journey, my grief, to try and overcome…

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The Plan

By On 28 June 2013

Isaiah 28:29 | All this also comes from the Lord Almighty, whose plan is wonderful, whose wisdom is magnificent. It’s funny that as humans we feel the need to make plans. We plan so much of our lives all the time and so often neglect to consult our creator God about it, who knows us far better than we will…

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Not an Average Monday Morning

By On 27 June 2013

“There are some magazines in the box if you’re interested.” It’s the kind of thing a pubescent boy might dream of being told by their older brother (accompanied by a nudge and a wink). But coming from a male embryologist on a Monday morning in the centre for reproductive medicine at Bart’s Hospital, the suggestion of naughty pictures did not…

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Hope Does Not Disappoint Us

By On 23 June 2013

Almost a year ago, my husband and I sat on our sofa reading a letter from our hospital which confirmed that we couldn’t have children together. It wasn’t completely unexpected but it was completely devastating. We held eachother and wept. And wept. We reached out to our families and friends who had been on the journey with us then retreated….

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Bittersweet

By On 21 June 2013

In an attempt to describe the past week’s events, bittersweet is the only word that even comes close. Let’s start with last Wednesday and the birth of Henry, my nephew, the first baby on my side of the family. A super cute little boy who’s already brought a lot of joy to my family. We then move to Sunday and…

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Fist Fighting with God

By On 19 June 2013

Last week we found out our sixth baby had died.  Two weeks before there had been a much better scan, we saw a tiny baby and a tiny heartbeat and we were briefly very happy.  I say briefly because we had been there before and the heartbeat, somewhere along the way had stopped, and so it happened again.  At some…