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Tears Are Always Good … Burps Not So Much

By On 30 January 2014

This blog comes off the back of something my beloved wife said to a friend this weekend just gone. The friend and Sheila had been in tears during an emotional and Spirit-filled act of worship. [At this point it may be worth pointing out to those reading that it’s not unusual for Christians to cry, expressing a whole range of…

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Strong

By On 27 January 2014

I was about ten, it was after school, and I was fighting with one of my friends. It’s a cliché I know but boys fight from a young age, it’s what we do. Around about the time I was sitting on his head, we may instinctively fight but no one teaches us how to do it, our teacher leans out…

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Waiting For What?

By On 20 December 2013

Waiting is hard. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting for Christmas. Waiting for time off work. Waiting for lie-ins. Waiting for the turkey to roast. Waiting for family to arrive. Waiting for your dad to wake up from his post-dinner nap on the sofa. Waiting. As I learn more about the Anglican Church calendar – doing my bit as a future vicar’s wife….

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Hope for Sale

By On 11 December 2013

Last month, National Infertility Awareness week passed by in a flurry of surprising cake toppers (yes, they were cake toppers with little sperms fertilising an egg and no, I didn’t hold back in offering people sperm cakes), being mistaken for a lesbian (repeatedly) and surviving a pretty incredible night of vulnerability. After NIAW [insert jingle and awkward dancing], I was…

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Still Broken

By On 19 November 2013

It hits me suddenly, straight to my heart, then there’s that sick feeling when the room is spinning and finally a lingering sadness hovering over me, shrouding each conversation until I leave. I drive home, alone, venting my anger at any driver or cyclist who doesn’t adhere to the highway code and any traffic light daring to turn red. When…

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awkward

By On 21 October 2013

‘For when I am weak, then I am strong’. 2 Corinthians 12:10 Talking about infertility is really uncomfortable. No, really, believe me, it is super awkward. Whatever side of the conversation you are on. I think I make it worse as I have a habit of using humour to diffuse the awkwardness. An example of this is my recent discovery…

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The Key

By On 3 September 2013

…think about such things. I’ve been feeling really good. Strong, happy, hopeful. Trying new and tasty food, meeting lots of wonderful new people and feeling the relaxation of being far from your reality. Bliss. I read Lizzie’s last blog post and was so touched. The shame she admitted resonated with me. She spoke truths about my heart but in her…

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Why the Book is Always Better than the Film

By On 25 August 2013

I’ve never heard anyone say ‘the film was better than the book’. I think it’s because shiny Hollywood stars can struggle to convey the messiness inside a character brought to life within the words on a page. For years I’ve tried to live the film adaptation of my life, you know, the one like your Facebook page; with witty comments,…

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Stones on the Hillside

By On 9 August 2013

Somewhere on the fine line between hope and superstition, I went for a walk. The walk started at work. This was back before I knew about having azoospermia, when having babies was still a possibility, when we were still trying out names and middle names, when we were still hopeful. I walked from the office (in the middle of woodland)…

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The Tastiest Meal You’ll Ever Have

By On 17 July 2013

As I sit here, my toes sliding into the sand, the warmth of the sun on my face and the gentle rolling waves playing in the background as the soundtrack to my day, a tear rolls down my cheek. I realise that I am alone and that I really do need to face the reality of what has happened. As…