Browsing Tag

infertility

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A New Song

By On 23 December 2015

Christmas is about babies. Not just any babies either. Miraculous babies. Christmas is about ancient barren couples and unmarried virgins rejoicing in their pregnancy news, and, of course churches filled with hyperactive kids holding flaming oranges speared with sweets. Christmas is not an easy time for the childless. It’s not an easy time for me. I’d love a miraculous baby…

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The mug

By On 26 November 2015

There’s a mug that’s spent years at the back of my kitchen cupboard, we’ve moved house four times since we’ve had it and every time we’ve unpacked I’ve placed it right at the back of my cupboard again, hidden by the other mugs. There are a lot of people who have a mug exactly like the one I’m talking about,…

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The story behind the story

By On 19 October 2015

So we had a baby. Why does it feel like an apology should follow? An explanation perhaps? A sheepish shrug of the shoulders and whispered tones. I had a baby but it wasn’t straightforward. The statement sounds so simple. It doesn’t detail the years of hoping and ‘trying’, the tests, the numerous doctor’s waiting rooms, consultants, nurses, more tests, the…

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the fairytale

By On 10 October 2015

When I was eight I fell in love with a fairy tale, a happily ever after. A story etched on the hearts of young girls and women around the world. A simple story of falling in love, getting married and having a family. This fairy tale was more than my first love: it was my first dream and my first…

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What we wish we’d known about childlessness

By On 25 June 2015

You didn’t plan to be childless, it wasn’t what you dreamed of when you were little or when you got married or when you decided to start trying for a baby and it’s not an experience you want to be permanent. Childlessness catches you off guard, waking you from the innocent assumption that life will just drift from one stage…

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Confession

By On 11 April 2014

Saying sorry is really hard. It is not something I’m good at. It is not something I do often. I’m really good at thinking I’m right. All the time. In our home it has become a bit of a joke – “Can you even say the word?” And I’m worried I can’t. Because sorry means I did something wrong. It…

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Why the Book is Always Better than the Film

By On 25 August 2013

I’ve never heard anyone say ‘the film was better than the book’. I think it’s because shiny Hollywood stars can struggle to convey the messiness inside a character brought to life within the words on a page. For years I’ve tried to live the film adaptation of my life, you know, the one like your Facebook page; with witty comments,…

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Stones on the Hillside

By On 9 August 2013

Somewhere on the fine line between hope and superstition, I went for a walk. The walk started at work. This was back before I knew about having azoospermia, when having babies was still a possibility, when we were still trying out names and middle names, when we were still hopeful. I walked from the office (in the middle of woodland)…